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DARK KNIGHT crushes all comers
Tuesday July 22nd 2008, 11:13 pm
Filed under: Beanstockd

The Tumbler

The Dark Knight, Warner Brothers’ sequel to Batman Begins, beat all estimates this weekend by opening with approximately $155.3 million in ticket sales. Was it the most profound film ever made, a step backward or simply an outstanding entry into the superhero genre? The final performance by Heath Ledger is sure to leave fans debating for years over whether his or Jack Nicholson’s is the definitive performance of Batman’s iconic arch-villain.

You might not get a chance to see the film in an all solar theater, but maybe you can drive to see the third installment in a car powered by water? We got pretty excited seeing this video on YouTube a couple years ago, but our friends at TreeHugger give that aspiration a thumbs down. If you really could run a car on water, we’d have seen some real data on it by now.

Teasing us with panaceas like autos you can run on tap water? That’s almost as cruel as The Joker.

BradyDale

PS: Why is Christian Bale assaulting his mother and sister? Method acting?

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The Review: Hollywood’s Baby Boom Continues with Baby Borrowers
Tuesday July 22nd 2008, 10:35 pm
Filed under: Beanstockd

Baby Borrowers

Thanks to Juno’s success and the real-life pregnancy of Zoey 101 star Jamie Lynn Spears, teenage pregnancy is the hottest thing since rehab. To exploit this trend, Hollywood gives us Baby Borrowers, a reality tv show featuring teen couples attempting to parent babies, work full-time minimum wage jobs, and pay bills.

Besides the scary fact that parents actually donated their young children for the honor of being on a reality tv show (aka no big cash prizes to be found here), this social experiment is hardly experimental. Teens find out that… get ready for this… parenting is hard! The only one of the “borrowers” who seems in on the joke is Sean who purposely agreed to be on the show to prove to girlfriend, Kelsey, that they aren’t ready to be parents. He happily gloats to the camera that “this is pretty good for my plan” when the real mother of the borrowed baby (who’s been watching the events unfold on a flat screen tv in a nearby house) stops by to scold Kelsey and him for their inability to change the baby’s clothes or give her a bath. Even if the tvs used for surveillance on the show had been given the Energy Star rating, they don’t have the opportunity to save energy when they’re turned off because the real parents (smartly) never stop watching the borrowers. Whereas viewers don’t have any excuses.

LD

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The Greenhorne Report (07.21.08): Say Auf Wiedersehn to Clothing
Monday July 21st 2008, 10:40 pm
Filed under: Beanstockd

Heidi Klum, Tim Gunn, Nina Garcia

THE GREENHORNE REPORTNudity is free! CBS isn’t being charged for Janet Jackson’s 2004 Super Bowl wardrobe malfunction—and rightly so. If we all stopped wearing clothes, think of the energy that factories and laundromats would save.

It’d also be a lot cooler, which would be a tremendous help as we’re waiting for the heat to break. Energy companies are asking us to conserve in the meantime (which we should be doing anyway), and you should also stay away from spicy foods like jalapenos. Besides heating you up, you might also fall victim to the salmonella outbreaks.

If you get sick anyway, you can always catch up on your TV shows. Three million people tuned in to see designers play with tablecloths on Project Runway’s season debut last week before the show is turned over to Lifetime. We’re still waiting on The Office spinoff, not to mention a new Office-ish show featuring SNL’s Amy Poehler, which should be a home run for the Weekend Updater.

Major League Baseball has stepped up to the plate and gone majorly green, with everything from no-flush urinals to energy-efficient vending machines at stadiums. Maybe America’s favorite pastime can play America’s favorite white boy rapper Eminem during games. Also known as Slim Shady, he’s now standing up again to work on a new album for the first time in four years. No one knows when it will be released yet, but it’ll be hard to miss when it is.

Unfortunately for John McCain, his opinion piece on Iraq for the New York Times is a little easier to forget, at least it was for the paper. Unlike Barack Obama’s article a week ago, Johnny’s been rejected and asked to try again. Kind of like the whole running for President thing.

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Vanessa Hudgens isn’t Intelligentsia
Monday July 21st 2008, 9:52 pm
Filed under: Beanstockd

Vanessa Hudgens

Intelligentsia Coffee may be smart about importing coffees that employ compassionate treatment of people and the environment, but they won’t be employing Vanessa Hudgens any time soon. Due to some pictures snapped of the HSM:3 star holding some Intelligentsia swag, rumors circulated that V would be the face of Intelligentsia. It just ain’t so says the company. Not that she doesn’t have experience selling stuff, she’s been trying to convince us that Zac Efron isn’t a friend of Dorothy for the past two years. Still not buying that.

LD

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With Orlando Bloom out, Miranda Kerr rebounds to Brandon Davis
Saturday July 19th 2008, 6:45 pm
Filed under: Beanstockd

Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr

Talk about a Beanstockr’s worst nightmare. The supermodel chooses the bloated heir to an oil fortune over an exonerated hit-and-runner. (He wasn’t driving his Prius!) Victoria’s Secret model Miranda Kerr was spotted getting a "Greasy Bear Special" at NYC clubs 1Oak and The Beatrice Inn this week from none other than Mischa Barton’s ex, Brandon Davis. We say this in earnest: How does he do it? Did the Aussie tramp choose the sweaty scamp over the eco-champ?

Yea, right. Going from Orlando Bloom to "Greasy Bear" says a lot about one’s character. Clearly, she was dumped. It’s not surprising that she’d waste her pretty on Mr. Firecrotch.

Bacon Bits

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Kim Kardashian Says Jump, Reggie Bush Asks How High
Friday July 18th 2008, 12:03 pm
Filed under: Beanstockd

Reggie Bush and Kim Kardashian

We know about you and your little girlfriend, Reggie.

Looks like somebody forgot to explain to the former USC star and Heisman Trophy winner that part of the job description when you date The Heinie, is Butler. He’s lucky that he has his day job with the New Orleans Saints to pull him out of this vicious circle.

I think we have a “What’s good for Reggie Bush is bad for the planet” situation on our hands here. Among his many “duties” as Kim’s puppy is to shower with her. Naturally, we’re dismayed that this great water saving arrangement is coming to a close because little things add up and water shouldn’t be taken for granted. Take a look at Chicago. The water supply may be inadequate for growth.

Finally, what’s up with these football players being so whipped? Tom Brady. Okay, full disclosure, we’d take the dive, too. To save precious water you perverts. We could never look at Kardashian or her butt the same way post-Ray J.

Bacon Bits

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Newsflash: Snoop Dogg Gets High
Friday July 18th 2008, 11:26 am
Filed under: Beanstockd, Streetstockd

Snoop Dogg

Beanstockd popped by the Snoop D-O-G-G and 311 concert on Tuesday at Philly’s Festival Pier. The sun was hot, the water sparse - but th crowd was still there. The show opened with the dramatic on-stage appearance of a giant cut-out of a marijuana leaf – the universal Bat Signal for Snoop (and pot) fans everywhere. Audience members responded in true form by lighting up their smuggled green on the spot. Guess green’s Snoop’s “thing.” The rap-artist-gone-reality-star played Live Earth Germany in 2007 (see it here), and has headlined the Rothbury Music Festival – a new wave in music that features a “Think Tank” on how to prevent climate change and save energy.

After super-hot renditions of old classics and the bizarre formation of a mosh pit in response to "Sensual Seduction", Snoop cleared out for part deux. 311’s annual "Unity Tour" brought out a die-hard fan base who moshed and raged to the sounds of “Beautiful Disaster,” “Down,” and other reggae-punk anthems over the 3-hour set. That’s a lot of toes stepped on right there. But we stuck it out, all for the chance to ride in bassist Aaron “p-nut” Wills’ brand-new 2009 Tesla Roadster, an electric car that goes from zero to 60 in under 4 seconds, and gets 135 miles to the gallon. Sign up now – and you’ll still have to wait until you’re famous to get one.

Sharon Margolis  More Streetstockd>>



The Review: Hayden Panettiere’s Wake Up Call, She Can’t Sing
Friday July 18th 2008, 9:41 am
Filed under: Beanstockd

Hayden Panettiere has decided to steal her Matrix-style costumes from the Heroes set to re-use in the music video for her single “Wake Up Call.” While I admire Hayden’s desire to recycle her plastic clothes since we only recycle about 5% of the plastic we produce, the site of Hayden’s tacky vinyl number while she tries to give the camera bedroom eyes makes me cringe. Honestly, if you want to recycle something, consult Earth 911 for a way that doesn’t cause harm to viewers. It seems that Panettiere’s whole goal is to painfully distract you with what little she has on to keep you from noticing that she’s confused talking in a pouty voice with singing.

That’s not to say that I completely detested this collection of voyeuristic images that she calls a music video. To the contrary, I quite enjoyed Hayden’s “dance” at the end. Wearing a brunette wig and hoodie, Hayden flails her body and arms about in jerky motions while hopping around like 6-year-old girl trying to imitate Justin Timberlake’s dance moves. I can only guess that this is some type of attempt at hip hop… either that or she’s having an epileptic seizure. I’m not sure which.

LD

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Miley Cyrus Wants to be A Big-less Carrie Bradshaw
Thursday July 17th 2008, 1:08 am
Filed under: Beanstockd

Miley Cyrus

Miley Cyrus wishes to promote abstinence to her young fans by doing “a younger, cleaner version of Sex and the City.” The purity-ring-wearing Cyrus lists the Bible at the top of her list of seven things that she cannot live without (not to be confused with the “7 Things” she doesn’t like about her ex-boyfriend). Considering Miley has the midas touch, HarperCollins should consider contacting her to promote their Green Bible this fall which boasts a cotton/linen cover, partly recycled paper, soy-based ink, and passages about caring for the earth highlighted in green. Though the cred of a starlet promoting the Good Book is suspect when one considers past virgin spokeswoman, Britney Spears. We all know how well that turned out.

LD



The Greenhorne Report (7.16.08): Eight More Seconds for John McCain
Tuesday July 15th 2008, 8:28 pm
Filed under: Beanstockd

THE GREENHORNE REPORTAfter seeing John McCain pause for an extremely awkward eight seconds when asked why insurance covers Viagra but not the pill, your warm and happy feelings towards other candidates might be slightly…enhanced. The Green Party has put up former Georgia Rep. Cynthia McKinney for the nomination, but before you check the box, remember that this is the woman who hit a police officer because he didn’t recognize her.

Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman, our favorite (and only) Comedy Central couple also took a hit recently, breaking up after five years. Five years, people.

Cali-forn-i-a is staring down $5 gas. To help relieve pump pressure, Bush lifted his father’s ban on offshore drilling. Unfortunately for this oilman, Congress has its own ban on drilling. Hasn’t anyone told him that you should always listen to your parents?

Siblings are another story. Madonna’s brother has released a tell-all book on the Queen of Pop. While it’s likely that she did actually kiss Gwyneth Paltrow and whoever else, and she probably did screw him over a few times, it just seems kind of cruel to do that to your sister. After all, Mary-Kate and Ashley managed to write a book together. Isn’t that nice?

Even a Gangsta’s Paradise got to be clean. Coolio is road tripping around the country at colleges and universities to talk about the environment and global warming.

Big buzz for The Dark Knight…and for Heath Ledger’s Joker. Can Batman top Iron Man and Indiana Jones?









 


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