The more we watch, the more confused we get

Did y’all watch the Hills last night? Yeah you did, don’t deny it. Let’s do a quick recap: Spencer and Heidi visit the fam in Colorado (yawn), Brody Jenner holds a beach bbq where, surprise of all surprises, Justin Bobby arrives with Audrina and then disappears into the dark of the night leaving behind a unique calling card: Audrina’s helmet with a sprinkle of douchebaggery.

What a baffling young man. We’re not saying that JB’s behavior makes no sense, he’s just trying really hard to be the cool asshole, and we applaude you JB, on a job well done. What we don’t understand is, JB ditched Audrina, who’s relatively pretty, for that busted chick that he kept akwardly cocking his eyebrows at on the terrace. What is Justin Bobby’s deal?

In his show-long struggle to appear confident, cool and nonchalant, JB roars along the highways of Cali on an old-school Harley. Based on initial consideration, the motorcycle may seem to be a green alternative to the Escalades and Land Cruisers littering the streets of LA, however it turns out that motorcycles produce more harmful emissions than cars or SUVs. Wtf?! According to an EPA official, “you could drive the Prius for more than 100 miles before you got to the same hydrocarbon levels the motorcycle would emit in only 1 mile of driving.” Careful JB………Drizzler

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The National Enquirer is reporting Owen Wilson attempted suicide over the weekend

Kate Hudson dating Dax from Punk’d is tough to swallow, and reason enough to fall into a deep state of depression. Kate Hudson is talented, hot, and green…and we’d be pissed too if after we broke up instead of dating say…Will Smith, she picked Ashton’s sidekick and then made out with him in the aisle of a supermarket. Yet Owen Wilson’s suicide attempt is worrying, and makes us wonder what was really on the outwardly smiling comedian’s mind.

We don’t understand why Wilson tried to take the fast lane to the compost heap. As one of Hollywood’s greener celebs, and a contributor the The Green Book , he’s one of the good guys and a seemingly great role model. Get well soon, so you can make us laugh again. And forget Hudson—she’s got a kid anyway. Bacon Bits

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Why grocery shopping is a lot of fun!

We wonder why this is breaking celeb news, but we’ve decided to cover it anyway. Kate Hudson and Dax Shepard share a tender moment of hardcore PDA in an empty-save-for-the-lurking-paparazzo supermarket aisle. Three questions this picture raises:

1. How did this relationship come to fruition? Kate Hudson is Hollywood gold, Dax Shepard has been on Punk’d. We don’t get it. 

2. What did Dax get at Starbucks? We’re guessing a skim chai latte. With a little sprinkle of cinammon.

3. Kate Hudson is wearing a pink knit-cap. Ergo she is having a bad hair day. Has she not been using products from the line she founded, David Babaii for Wildaid (all enviro-friendly, a precentage of whose proceeds go to benefit the conservation of endangered wildlife)? Probs. Drizzler

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Doherty at his sweatiest

You gotta love/hate/pity/be confused by Pete Doherty. Instead of facing the world’s humanitarian and environmental problems head on like Brangelina, Doherty’s done everything that’ll help him escape reality.

Kate Moss’s boy toy was arrested Monday on “suspicion” of drug possession. (Not sure what the suspicion is, after he’s gone so far as to practically list his drugs of choice for the Associated Press, but whatevs.) So, they book him and all the little piggies had to do was take him to the courthouse on time and boyfriend would’ve been in the pen straight away*. But, the porkers didn’t make it in 24 hours and little Petey went hehehehehe all the way home.

After his own failed attempts at sobriety, P.D’oherty’s finally checked into rehab this weekend though. Maybe now he’ll get over his F* Forever attitude and jump on the green celeb bandwagon for chrissake.

*Brit speak for “immediately” Informr Bean

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Yo! You can hang with Brangelina at their Katrina Charity event…tonight! It’s easy; just get to Jane Rosenthal and Craig Hatkoff’s in the Hamptons with a huge check. We don’t care if it bounces, but you’d be a legend if it didn’t. Once you’re in the door (we’re talkin’ a lot of zeroes)…do what you gotta do. Bacon BIts

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MTV’s Newport Harbor suuuuuuuuuuuckkkss.

We were watching re-runs of this shiz yesterday and could not even make it through. one. whole. episode.

Did MTV really think that it could outdo the phenomenon that was Laguna Beach (and the Hills) by moving a little up the coastline and assembling a new brat pack of bottle blondes and madras-short-sporting beach bums? Did they really think that Chrissy and her suspiciously strict parents could ever replace the always extravagant Kristin Cavalleri or the strangely magnetic LC?

Sure Chase and Clay aren’t too bad to look at (in an A&F model way), and Grant is like a mini Spencer, but these boys have got nothing on the real men of Laguna and the Hills. And most importantly, where is the knit-cap-wearing Justin Bobby character? Where is he?

The one good thing about this Laguna wannabe? Atleast they show is still located in the OC, a community that’s environmentally conscious, and very active in getting its wealthy and glamorous residents involved in the green movement. Hopefully, MTV’ll find a way to incorporate that green mindset into the show, if not to educate people, then to give the show some semblance of quality. Drizzler

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MTV’s Newport Harbor suuuuuuuuuuuckkkss.

We were watching re-runs of this shiz yesterday and could not even make it through. one. whole. episode.

Did MTV really think that it could outdo the phenomenon that was Laguna Beach (and the Hills) by moving a little up the coastline and assembling a new brat pack of bottle blondes and madras-short-sporting beach bums? Did they really think that Chrissy and her suspiciously strict parents could ever replace the always extravagant Kristin Cavalleri or the strangely magnetic LC?

Sure Chase and Clay aren’t too bad to look at (in an A&F model way), and Grant is like a mini Spencer, but these boys have got nothing on the real men of Laguna and the Hills. And most importantly, where is the knit-cap-wearing Justin Bobby character? Where is he?

The one good thing about this Laguna wannabe? Atleast they show is still located in the OC, a community that’s environmentally conscious, and very active in getting its wealthy and glamorous residents involved in the green movement. Hopefully, MTV’ll find a way to incorporate that green mindset into the show, if not to educate people, then to give the show some semblance of quality. Drizzler

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Poor Foxy

Foxy’s in the clinker! And she’s preggers! And she’s getting married! And she gets her home furnishings at Bed, Bath & Beyond? Our head is spinning amid all these revelations.

After violating the terms of her probation, Foxy’s awaiting her September 5th court hearing. Her laundry list of “crimes” include: beating her neighbor with a Blackberry, chatting on her cell phone while driving, assaulting the mani-lady, rolling through a stop sign, and sticking her tongue out at a judge during her hearing. The punishment: a shizload of jail time. The law is so harsh sometimes.

If there’s a bright side, at least her Land Rover, (a vehicle that emits twice as much carbon monoxide, hydrocarbons and nitrogen dioxide as passenger cars) was pulled off the road…Maybe when she’s out of the clinker she’ll invest in a new 2007 model LR, whose sales sustain Land Rover’s new CO2 offset program, which offsets the company’s own carbon emissions by funding enviro-friendly projects. According to LR, “CO2 offsetting provides a mechanism to take action and responsibility for the CO2 that we produce.” Love it. Bacon Bits 

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No, it’s not Jared Leto, it’s Justin Bobby — Audrina’s new paramour on this decade’s show about nothing, The Hills.

Something that’s been bothering us all week: where did Justin Bobby and his wide assortment of knit caps come from? As the newest cast member of MTV’s The Hills, Justin Bobby has managed to steal the show for the past two weeks with his deep insight into Audrina’s heart, gleaming pearls of wisdom like “I think that time and truth tell all”, uncomfortable fidgeting, and charming tableside manners.

What is Justin Bobby’s deal? We think that time and the spotlight will tell all. Hopefully the Hills will catapault Justin Bobby to the levels of fame that his Hills counterparts have achieved, and maybe next year he’ll show up at The Environmental Media Association Awards to plant a tree along with LC. Drizzler

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Going for the angelic look in an all-white outfit, Brad Pitt has been in New Orleans helping out Global Green USA’s first house project in Louisiana’s Ninth Ward District. Pitt was quoted as saying, “It’s hard to find an overall victory when you see how slowly everything is still moving. And Katrina was a man-made disaster. This house is a man-made solution.”

Another one of man’s accomplishments: doing all this while still keeping that monochromatic outfit spotless in a construction area. Now that’s a role model for all young men out there. Lucie