You bet your kicks that those new Air Force Ones are more classic than they’ve ever been. Steve Nash’s new line of sneaks add to Michael Jordan’s green footwear designs, “Considered.” By using less-toxic rubber, scrap-ground foam, and cardboard boxes, Nash’s Nike Trash Talk takes out the trash on the court, and recycles everything off it.

IK

Hello Beanies,

Hope you had a nice week, despite all the signs of the apocalypse.

I was too lazy to play an April Fool’s joke, but the ladies at Jezebel weren’t! They pretended to be taken over by CondeNast. That’d be like Beanstockd selling out to Chevron. Over our dead bodies!

In other signs of society’s imminent collapse, a former beauty/current tranny has been making headlines and doing the talk show circuit—for being a pregnant man. Men having babies? Hmm…that might not be a bad idea. Didn’t the Governator make a movie like that?

In even weirder news, Al Gore’s Oscar and Nobel Prize were all shams! Well, that’s what some scientists are saying. Apparently, the world hasn’t gotten any warmer since 1998 and with La Nina, 2008 looks to be a lot colder and some scientists think that global warming might not be. HELLO PEOPLE IT’S REAL! We’re releasing more greenhouse gases into the atmosphere everyday. Even if it weren’t, would you not wear deodorant if people said it was okay to stink?

A reformed Naomi Campbell was arrested in London after an altercation with airport security. She just wanted to take on two carry-on bags! Can you say community service fashion show part two?

Fidel Castro’s brother Raul, the current leader of Cuba, loosens restrictions on Cuban citizens. Cubans are now allowed to own cell phones, stay in luxury hotels, and buy other cool electronic gadgets.

Heidi Montag is endorsing John McCain! He never misses an episode, but he does miss important eco-votes. This is funny on so many levels.

Anyhoo, guess who really got married?!? No, not Brangelina, but Beyon-Z. Jay-Z and Beyonce, linked since 2002, finally made it official on Friday. The all-white reception was attended by the rest of Destiny’s Child and all their closest celebrity friends. We weren’t invited. When Brangelina gets married, we know the world will truly be ending. What else will we have to live for?

Who would have thought that from such humble beginnings, the Terminator would have gone on to govern what is arguably the coolest and almost certainly the greenest state this side of the Mississippi? Yes, in this progressive day and age, we have as ruler of one of the largest and most influential states in the country, a foreign-born, muscle-bound, movie star (The term “actor” applied in this particular situation may be debatable… but who are we to judge?)

Whatever his title, though, Schwarzenegger has implemented a lot of commendable policies (some in spite of intense opposition from Mr. Prez): legislation to reduce greenhouse gas emissions, better forest management practices, and energy-efficient state buildings. Cali’s PG&E program has also begun a variety of environmentally friendly practices, including outfitting homes with CFLs which use 75% less energy than traditional bulbs.

What can we say? If it comes down to a showdown between a guy who seems to care more about a country that he’s immigrated to than the guy running the whole show does, our vote goes to the Governator.