Madonna looks spectacular in the video for her latest single, 4 minutes, and continues the hot streak as this month’s cover girl for Vanity Fair’s green issue. Unfortunately, reading the first 4 lines of her feature article makes us want to slap the pandering author who penned an intro worthy of an entire bottle of Pepto Bismol:

“The world is a series of rooms, which are arranged like concentric circles, or rooms within rooms, joined by courtyards and antechambers, and in the room at the center of all those rooms Madonna sits alone, in a white dress, dreaming of Africa.”

Vom-it.

We wonder what author Rich Cohen, aka Ego Masseuse 2008®, would have to say about her video. He would most likely find a dote-tastic way to harp on the trademark elements of a Timbo-produced track music video:

1. Closeup of bespectacled Timbo introducing song in Timbaland monotone or with Timbaland war cry (Say it right)

2. Shots of middle-aged female artist attempting to dance like a 19 year old (Promiscuous)

3. Justin Timberlake sporting a silk scarf and 5 o’clock shadow while sketchily watching a couple make out (Cry me a river)

Starting to get old…

But like the Cohen article, the more time you spend with it, the more it grows on you … and if that means regularly spending 4 minutes watching JTimz and Madge trying to outdance each other, we can get down with that.

Drizzler

It’s always funny to see Matthew McConaughey all metro. On Thursday, he was Dolce’d, Gabbana’d & Hudson’d at the London Fool’s Gold premiere. That’s a dandy suit, but could it be dandier? The Times says: Maybe? Does the label indicate a carbon footprint?

Many suits begin as an idea in Paris and travel the globe from production facilities in Asia to distribution centers in North America before they end up in a retail outlet near you. Bagir, an eco-friendly clothier will begin printing the carbon footprint of each of its suits on the labels.

Carbon count labels the new hotness? Not yet. Bagir suits are sold at Sears—that means they’re cut for pear-shaped dads. We actually went to a Sears recently. It was on xmas eve, we bought a neon green cardigan with sewn-on stockings for an ugly-sweater party. (We didn’t take it off until March because we refused to acknowledge the end of the holidays.)

Bacon Bits

PS: Häagen-Dazs is feeling stung because bees are disappearing. No bees = no pollination = no fruit. Syllogism! Hope you like vanilla. Scientists are miffed.