A-Rod made Beanstockd! And it’s salacious. You may have heard about Yankees star Alex Rodriguez’s week. It starts with him boning Madonna (not true) and ends with Mrs. A-Rod boning—that dirty dog!—LENNY KRAVITZ! (We’re running with it: true!) Word on the street is that Cynthia Rodriguez is currently in Paris with her new rocker beau.

All this and A-Rod didn’t even get to bang Madonna. How dare you say: “EW!” Please, we’d give a lot of girls in the 50-plus power set the ol’ soup and sandwich. And some of them are really old, like Zsa Zsa Gabor. There’s also Joan Rivers (we’re close friends) and Queen Elizabeth. Then you have the “most powerful woman in the world,” German Chancellor Angela Merkel. A big time greenie, as Germany’s Minister of the Environment in 1994 she spearheaded the Kyoto Protocol and her commitment to the environment shined (shone?) through during her stints as European Union president and G8 chair.

As for A-Rod, we have a feeling this is only the beginning. If he needs a side of ridicule with that humble pie, we’ve got Joan on speed dial.

Bacon Bits

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1. Have a melodramatic season finale where the woman you pick to love refuses to love you back—Check!

2. After the episode has finished airing on MTV, immediately post a not-so-subtle poem about the person who rejected you on your MySpace page—Check!

3. Sit back and read 1,150+ comments from your loyal, adoring fans—Check!

4. Pour yourself a couple shots of tequila from Del Maguey Tobala (completely organic) or Herradura Blanco (a company that is finding ways to transform its waste into bioplastics and alternative energy) as you talk to the reps from MTV that are already salivating over the thought of a catfight on the reunion show.

LD

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