this is great. bite-sized news never looked so good

It’s too bad about Jim Webb. I really like him–he’s kind of mean. Enough to frighten even the most grizzled GOPers. If we can’t have the super ticket of Hillary and Barack, then I’d love to see Joe Biden on the ticket–also mean and condescending towards republicans. If Barack picks John Edwards we’ll have the most metrosexual ticket since Washington and Adams wore their powdered wigs and knickers.

I’m super depressed about Jim Webb, too. I wouldn’t mind seeing Evan Bayh on the ticket either, mostly because he got his JD from UVA.

Question: how did John McCain bag himself a foxy rexatron like Cindy Hensley?
Which raises another important question I’ve been struggling to find an answer to: who’s hotter Cindy McCain or Michelle Obama?

For a while I loved Cindy for her ability to not let male-pattern baldness bother her and for her crazy wealth. But then Michelle really dazzled me with her intellegence, class, and appointment as politics’ fashion paragon.

Then I saw that Michelle Obama agreed to give the first Obama family interview to freaking Access Hollywood. Wtf. No but seriously. Wtf.

I don’t know what to do, Beanstockd, I’m so confused. Who will make a better First Lady? Who will reign supreme in Washington? Who has a smaller waist? I’m so scared…

Can I say Fred Thompson’s wife?

Obviously, I’m going with Cindy McCain, she’s clearly embraced botox and I need to get my paws on some of that budweiser money.

Michelle Obama, she’s aight. Nice legs.

Oh, and I took a look at those waistlines. Michelle is 10 years younger so she wins, but i’m saying Cindy Hensley ten years ago SMOKES Michelle Obama.

Team Cindy

Considering that the only time I can convince women to bang me is at 3:30 in the morning when we are both completely shitfaced, I’d have to go with Cindy McCain over Michelle Obama.

I am way more likely to run into a bathroom with Cindy at 3:30 in the morning at some random bar than I am with Michelle. We all know Cindy likes to party.

Plus, she has way more money than Michelle, and could definitely become my Sugar Mama! She is way more likely to buy me a new car.

Also, Michelle used to be a basketball player, so honestly, she’s probably not into men that much anyways. But, all things even, I am still voting for Barack.

No way. Cindy looks like my waspy aunt, only older and worse for wear.

AND she takes credit for Food Network recipes. Who does that? Maybe her prescription drug habit pushed her over the edge and she believed she was Rachel Ray?

Budweiser is such a lowbrow beer. MBam can bring home the bacon without reaching into the family piggybank. And she can do it with class.

Mr. Murti, a little too much tumeric in your vindaloo? You must be crazy if you think a class act like Cindy Lou Hensley McCain is going anywhere near a disgusting bathroom stall with you. She might be a foxy rexatron, but she’s not that kind of foxy rexatron. Who do you think she is, Amy Winehouse? She’ll be in the penthouse of the Four Seasons with me NOT popping vicodins and percosets. Oxycontin all the way, bitches!

Not to dig to far into my eastern roots, but no way is some Kappa Alpha Theta, pill-popping, USC Trojan Cheerleader going to stand in the way of the powerhouse that is Michelle Obama.

Mrs. Michelle LaVaughn Robinson Obama graduated from Princeton and Harvard. She was among Vanity Fair’s World’s 10 Best Dressed People.

And let’s be honest, who wants to be with anyone that has already got dug out by John McCain for the love of Christ.

Being runner-up to Barack Obama, that is nothing to be ashamed of.

No way should Jim Webb be the Vice President. Love his intensity, especially against the Iraq War, but he is pro-life, and that right there is too much of a red flag for me. He would be the perfect Secretary of Defense.

Webb’s senate seat is too important right now to Dems for him to run on the ticket. Also, he had some issues with being insensitive to women back in the day, which doesn’t bode well when trying to reconcile with Hillary supporters.

He is a badass though, give him some time and he should become a bit more liberal as he gets older.