We’ve been hard on China, and deservedly so, but as Beanies in our primary, secondary and tertiary circles know, once the party starts we’re everybody’s bff. (What’s a party if you’re not the life of it?) Environmental and human rights atrocities aside, there are 1.3 billion people in the 6,000 year old civilization who want the same basic things even the most hoity-toity among us want: to satisfy Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs and to throw a good old fashioned rager…without any Debbie Downers.

We’re well aware of the Chinese Communist Party’s faults, but right now our inner-contrarian says: who is America to talk? We love spewing carbon and denying habeas corpus, too. So go ahead, China, rock out with your cock out. You won’t find us walking around your house wearing a pollution mask or acting like we don’t want to be there. Now, if you’ll excuse us, we need to get down from our organic soap box and order a pitcher of lychee martinis. Yes, we said pitcher, and yes, we do that.

Bacon Bits

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