Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston. For serious? And if the name wasn’t enough, baby spawn of Bristol Palin has to grow up knowing that the only reason his baby pictures fetched $300,000 is because his grandmother’s a druggie. His paternal grandmother, that is – though the Alaskan governor certainly has questionable fashion taste, so maybe her brain’s a bit addled as well. (Click here, courtesy of PETA, to pelt snowballs at her and other celebs for wearing fur.)

Soon to be ex-Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich formally selected former Illinois Attorney General Roland Burris to take over Barack the Magic Negro’s* old Senate seat. Amusingly, Illinois Secretary of State Jesse White and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid are pretty much ignoring the governor and his appointment. I guess they’re also wondering if a hefty sum (comparable to Tripp Easton Mitchell’s baby pics, of course) had anything to do with it.

With the way this government’s going, California’s waters are likely to be opened up to drilling within the next few years. So far, Obama and Salazar have both been pretty mum on whether the coasting drilling ban will be reinstated, but hey, we’ll see what happens next year.

Be safe tonight!

*Note: I can’t take credit for the Magic Negro nickname—not that I would, anyway. That one’s from Chip Saltsman, who was gunning for the Republican National Committee chairmanship and created a holiday soundtrack for his homies. In my opinion, Obama bears no resemblance to a dragon.

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As the new, energy efficient ball gets closer to dropping in NYC, the NYPD and Diddy are taking steps to ensure New Yorkers’ safety. For example, the NYPD has added security to the Jonas Brothers Times Square concert for fear that a mob of lusty teen girls starved for Rob Pattinson will cause chaos. Too bad, energy experts can’t figure out a way to harness squeals and squees into energy. If they could, they’d be a lot more than a third of the way to having the 2009 sign powered. If anyone survives the overpowering devastation of loud squealing, Diddy will pay for a free cab ride home, however, he can’t do anything about loss of hearing.

LD

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Like everyone else, Britney Spears is reflecting on the past year and making resolutions for the next. Brit-Brit has come a long way in 2008, so we were thinking she would have plenty of goals to keep herself on track in 2009. Or not. Britney recently admitted that she does want to get rid of a bad habit in the coming year. Just not one that was on our list for her.

"Next year, I have to learn to stop biting my nails! I would like to stop worrying so much, because I worry all the time. And to learn how to be happier, just in general. I have to learn to take things not so seriously."

Right, because biting her nails was the worst thing she did in 2008. Then again, good for her, its best to start with manageable goals anyway. Some of us here are resolving to get into shape in ‘09. To help reach that goal we will not be buying any home gym equipment though. That’s right, home gyms waste energy and usually just end up elaborate clothes hangers anyway. Why walk on a treadmill when you can walk outside, or better yet, walk to school or work instead of driving, that way you will be decreasing your carbon footprint and getting in a workout in at the same time.

Christine

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Winter has been wrecking havoc across the country for over two weeks now. It has postponed flights, caused traffic backups, and reduced most people to quivering, frozen lumps. So tonight as you sit in your comfy warm houses, peering out your frost covered windows, debating whether you should shovel your driveway or watch another episode of The Hills, you might want to take a second to consider something. Before you reach for that industrial sized bag of driveway salt, you should know that according to the National Research Council (NRC), road-salt use in the United States ranges from 8 million to 12 million tons per year.

Though effective, 55% of the chlorine in road salt is being washed from driveways and right into storm drains and rivers. Instead of salt why not try abrasives like kitty litter, sand and sawdust. And if all else fails and you just can’t pry yourself away from Lauren Conrad’s latest exploits, you can always just wait until spring.

Carolyn

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I’m back in New York and I already miss home. If you’re still home-home, go tell your mother you love her and go hug your dad (or bro, sis, aunt, uncle, or besty). We’re social animals, it’s important. To paraphrase Bill Cosby: they brought you into this world; they’ll take you out.

So, MTV unleashed its two new spin-offs of The Hills last night. I’ll start with Brody Jenner’s Bromance. In search of a new wing man, Jenner auditions a handful of dudes fraternity rush style. I’m not typically struck by secondhand embarrassment, but Frankie Delgado, Brody’s resident yes man, is without question the biggest toolbox among the entire coterie of Hills hangers-on. To hear him chide the waxy looking gay contestant for giving Brody a birthday card was beyond shameful. As a former frat guy, what Frankie is doing is called solidifying his position as Brody’s top goom.

Meanwhile, Lauren Conrad’s fellow TeenVogue intern, Whitney Port, is in The City in search of… Working in Diane Von Furstenberg’s public relations department, Whitney navigates the world of internal (instead of agency) brand management all the while learning about New York’s “scenes.” I might not know Hollywood well, but I do know New York and none of these social constructs are as hard and fast as the show would have you believe. I do think it’s hilarious, though, how upstart socialite and fellow DVF “employee” Olivia Palermo is portrayed as “The Underminer.” Let my excessive use of quotation marks in this bit be a warning, the show and its stereotypical crowds and antagonists are just that—clichés. I love it. (They already went to Tenjune and they showed a shot of my favorite club, Level V! Now what? Haha!)

Anyway, if you’re in New York and in the mood for something decidedly less ridiculous, the American Museum of Natural History has a new exhibit called “Climate Change.” I know because I saw an ad for it on the subway. The exhibit will “examine one of the most pressing scientific issues of our time—the massive, human-induced warming of Earth.” From what I gather, it shows you a post-apocalyptic world—including a flooded New York. I’m already planning a Beanstockd family field trip.

Be good tomorrow night!

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The Lohans are ringing in this new year with some tough-lovin’ blog-squabblin’.

Upon reading Lindsay’s Christmas Eve sentiments (powered by MySpace!), father Mike has launched MikeLohanOnline.com to blog-flog her for telling lies about his wife-cheating ways. Sort of. Big Mike also wants to document his, um, life. Ugh, parents. Remember when we were kids and every time you were naughty your dad changed his Facebook status? And tagged life-documenting photos of himself? LiLo’s life is relatable after all.

However, Daddy Lohan now claims that a truce has been reached. Come to think of it, Facebook might better serve their purposes. They may friend and un-friend each other on a regular basis, wall-to-wall with syntactically illegible but semantically brilliant spats, and Lindsay can advertise her successful, eco-friendly line of Shakespearean tights for FB-ers not yet in the know. New Year’s resolution? “I will try to put ‘i’ before the ‘e’ except after ‘c,’” purrs Lindsay. Her father will blog his response shortly—after he looks up “resolution” in Webster’s dictionary.

Irene, Shih Spoke

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Or at least, that’s what she’d like us to believe. You see, Emma was just “given the part without even going to acting school” at the tender age of nine years old. She didn’t have any previous experience, and she “didn’t watch films in [her] household.” Emma told reporters this past weekend that she’s uncertain that acting is what she wants to do when she grows up.

Never mind the fact that her selection sans previous experience might have indicated, oh, we don’t know, an innate talent? Emma’s set to “start university in America in September”, so perhaps she’ll spend some of her hard earned 10 mil (which she has “no use” for) drinking Miller High Life with other over-achievers. She’ll also need a book bag to tote her notes. Might we suggest an ultra fashionable and ultra eco-friendly bag like this one? Carla Bruni’s carrying it, Colette’s stocking it, and it was made by a women’s co-op in South Africa. Plus, given that there were only 421 bags made, it’s pretty much an instant “it bag”, and we know Emma loves her fashion star status.

Sarah

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Merry Mid-Holiday Season Beanies! The Holidays bring out the secrets, feuds and stinkbombs in all of us!

No peace in the Middle East this holiday season, ironic since that’s where it all started. Israel surprised Palestine with an air strike against the Gaza strip on Saturday, and continued their attacks today. Israel’s attacks target the tunnels along Gaza’s border with Egypt. Israeli officials claim these tunnels are used to smuggle arms and fugitives, but Palestinians also use them for consumer goods, to circumvent Israel’s economic blockade.

So, Patriots QB Tom Brady may or may not have asked his supermodel girlfriend Gisele Bundchen to marry him. TMZ says it’s true, but his dad is saying no. Guess Brady’s not buying the cow when the milks free! sorry, that was in poor taste.

While throwing stink bombs and dye in protest, environmental activists collided with a Japanese whaling ship off the coast of Antartica. Never fear, no one was hurt and the missiles were biodegradable containing ingredients like rancid butter. I’ve always wanted to throw biodegradable stink bombs too! Sadly I was a deprived youth. Also their boat is called the Steve Irwin. Awesome.

Exes Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt duked it out at the box office this weekend. Both had movies open with record ticket sales on Christmas day, but Aniston’s “Marley and Me” clawed its way to victory. Personally, I saw “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.” Never was much of a Friends fan, but I’ve always been a Brad Pitt fan!

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Grinch-y Washington Governor Chris Gregoire, last seen rallying for in-state wind farms and gran-handling a sexy Chevy Tahoe Hybrid, is mean AND green.

With a projected state deficit of 5.7 billion greenbacks, the governor has unveiled a two-year budget proposal that will revoke the promised pay raise for state union members in their respective vocations. The Federation of State Employees has gone to the Man upstairs (Thurston County judge) to force some serious moolah—$216 million—out of their Indian-giving governor’s rear pocket. Organized labor just got more lucrative organized crime. Will George Clooney crap sexy common sense on this union showdown?

The state’s collective bargaining law, circa 2002, grants governors authority to negotiate with unions. A provision of this law allows the governor to freeze funds for increased salary and benefits – if deemed financially impossible to uphold. The outrage. As Gandhi once mused, “When your parents are destitute, you must sucker-punch them till they vomit pennies.” Therein lies the unbreakable spirit of Christmas.

Irene, Shih Spoke

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Video game geeks, bullies, rockers, skateboarders, and hot chicks in one place…sound like high school?

Nah, Beanstockd just hit up the red carpet at the 2008 Spike TV Video Game Awards, and Stockd attendees from the All American Rejects (who admittedly suck at Rock Band and Guitar Hero), to Tony Hawk, as well as a couple of ladies that have been on more FHM/Stuff/Maxim covers than fingers on your right hand.

UFC Fighter Rashad Evans also tells us he’s going to kick Forrest Griffin’s ass at UFC 92, and top industry execs talk about how games can change the world.

Who from above uses energy efficient lighting and rides a bike to work? You may be surprised. Stick around ’til the end to find out…and for a surprise cameo. So sit back, click play, and pass the Courvoisier.

JZ

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