Citizen Beanstockd (11.12.09): Larry King Tries To Get Carrie Prejean to Admit Her Sex Tape Caused Settlement

My computer is on the fritz, Beanies, so this column is being transcribed from an arcane mode of communication that has given many an action movie villain his comeuppance: Morse code. I always pull for the bad guys because of their witty repartee and flashy outfits, but their cunning always ends with cutting the power and phone lines and them thinking they’ve isolated the hostages from the outside world. Don’t they know there’s ALWAYS a World War II vet who knows how to strategically flicker the lights? (That’s my little nod to Veteran’s Day and forced patriotism.)

So, I hate to pile on this broad, but who tries to walk out on Larry King? As Sarah reported last week, Carrie Prejean, the former Miss California who has been deified by the religious right for standing up to Perez Hilton on the issue of gay marriage, took the Miss California Pageant organization to court after they stripped her of her title because she skipped events and thereby failed to fulfill the obligations of Miss California. Well, she ended up settling for a whopping ZERO dollars after a sex tape—actually, a masturbation tape—turned up during the hearing. That was last week. Fast forward to last night: Larry King being Larry King asked Prejean what motivated the settlement—not the terms of it—and the question nearly caused poor Carrie’s head to explode. Not understanding the nuances of the English language, Carrie says she’s not allowed to talk about what was in the settlement and tells Larry he’s being “inappropriate.” After explaining that he’s not concerned with the details of the settlement, just her rationale for taking it, she takes off her microphone and starts to storm out, but then just sits there in silence. I want to liken Prejean to my nine year old sister, but that would be wrong because I know my sister will only have her measly IQ for a short moment in time and will eventually comprehend semantics. Sarah Palin 2.0 however is at full cognitive development.

***

I’m on twitter, bitches! Well, we, as in Beanstockd, are on twitter, and if you care at all about saving the planet from global warming you’ll “follow” us and get real-time ditties from me like…

Elevator pooling. How bourgeois.

I just put down the Tostitos—not to be rexy—but because I was reading an article about the food versus fuel crisis in Bali.

Googling eco-friendly bronzer

Because I feel pasty and ashy

Holding our collective breath for 30 seconds to offset the carbon released when the NYPD horse just farted.

And last but not least:

Shemar Moore and Phyllis Diller. Mia, POP OFF! (She must connect these two through people they’ve dated.)

Don’t you feel better about yourself already?

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