THE GREENHORNE REPORT (5.15.08): Clean Coal & Murder Bombs

Hello Beanie Babies, didn’t forget about you!

First things first. After dropping the gay bomb (and the murder bomb), we had big hopes for this week’s Gossip Girl. However, no such luck, Serena didn’t actually kill anyone. Watching someone who was trying to rape you OD, does not equal murder. And the sex tape had no sex! Nor was it a “snuff film.” But we hate Georgina. As Chuck said, “Let’s get the bitch.”

Clinton beats Obama in West Virginia. Of course West Virginian voters think that Obama’s a Muslim who hates America and is married to an atheist. Oh, and they may be slightly racist. It’s coal country, so Hillary and Obama both gave their big clean coal pitches.

Nature isn’t always so beautiful. An earthquake hit China on Monday. Wenchuan County, home of the country’s largest panda reserve, was the epicenter of the 7.9. Unfortunately, soldiers were only able to reach the area today. The country’s death toll is estimated to be 15,000. The quake was China’s worst in thirty years.

Livin’ La Vida Lohan. Lindz Lohan continues to hang out with girlfriend Samantha Ronson, while Dina and Ali get their own reality show.

Grownups are complaining about the green washing of Barbie and other family-friendly products. By using children in ads aimed at parents, companies are finding the kiddie appeal works in making products seem more environmentally friendly than they actually are.

Sex and the City premiered in LONDON(?). SJP wore an acorn on her head, Kim Cattrall wore her bitchface and the other two just kind of smiled into space. Just another day in the lives of swinging single city gals.

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