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The Greenhorne Report (07.21.08): Say Auf Wiedersehn to Clothing
Monday July 21st 2008, 10:40 pm
Filed under: Beanstockd

Heidi Klum, Tim Gunn, Nina Garcia

THE GREENHORNE REPORTNudity is free! CBS isn’t being charged for Janet Jackson’s 2004 Super Bowl wardrobe malfunction—and rightly so. If we all stopped wearing clothes, think of the energy that factories and laundromats would save.

It’d also be a lot cooler, which would be a tremendous help as we’re waiting for the heat to break. Energy companies are asking us to conserve in the meantime (which we should be doing anyway), and you should also stay away from spicy foods like jalapenos. Besides heating you up, you might also fall victim to the salmonella outbreaks.

If you get sick anyway, you can always catch up on your TV shows. Three million people tuned in to see designers play with tablecloths on Project Runway’s season debut last week before the show is turned over to Lifetime. We’re still waiting on The Office spinoff, not to mention a new Office-ish show featuring SNL’s Amy Poehler, which should be a home run for the Weekend Updater.

Major League Baseball has stepped up to the plate and gone majorly green, with everything from no-flush urinals to energy-efficient vending machines at stadiums. Maybe America’s favorite pastime can play America’s favorite white boy rapper Eminem during games. Also known as Slim Shady, he’s now standing up again to work on a new album for the first time in four years. No one knows when it will be released yet, but it’ll be hard to miss when it is.

Unfortunately for John McCain, his opinion piece on Iraq for the New York Times is a little easier to forget, at least it was for the paper. Unlike Barack Obama’s article a week ago, Johnny’s been rejected and asked to try again. Kind of like the whole running for President thing.

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