The Hogans Know Best: How to Stay in the Media’s Eye When Your Lackluster Show Goes Off the Air

Step 1: The ever communicative wife should file for divorce after 23 years of marriage and not tell her husband that he’s on the outs.

Step 2: The befuddled soon-to-be-ex-husband should take it upon himself to retaliate against his wife by dating someone ½ her age (bonus points if he dates one of his teenage daughter’s friends).

Step 3: The completely humiliated daughter should publicly feud with her father for dating her friend (because this will somehow lessen the embarrassment).

Step 4: The ex-wife, not be outdone by her ex-husband, should start dating one of her daughter’s classmates.

Step 5: All members of the family should continue to maintain their trademark shade of blonde, so the paparazzi can easily spot them in a crowd. However, organic hair dye like Morrocco Method is recommended to lessen the impact on the atmosphere. Also, theoretically, less exposure to ammonia and peroxide fumes may increase family’s brain activity.

LD

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