Filed under: Beanstockd
What a perfect day to make history. If you haven’t voted yet, allow me to quote Martin Lawrence: GET TA STEPPIN! Do you really want to be the jerk that didn’t vote in this election? (I’m lookin’ at you Ohio. You, too, Florida.)
Hey, I’m Bacon Bits, you guys know me. So the Beanstockd powers-that-be brought on this new editor and he’s a f*cking ball buster. We lock horns all the time. He thinks I should write a “column.”
I live and work in New York, so let’s start with Beanstockd’s favorite show, The Chuck Bass Hour. It wasn’t a big episode for the volatile gray-area perv, but it was a big episode for Jenny Humphrey. After dropping out of school, throwing a successful guerrilla fashion show and running away from home, is Little J headed for life as a transient drifter?
So, I did something kind of green. I visited my local cobbler! Instead of buying new shoes, I had the leather soles replaced on my old shoes. I’ve never done it before. Not too shabby. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but the shoes look almost new again. Saved a nice chunk of change, too. Think about it the next time you’re shopping for “work shoes” in the brown Skechers section of Foot Locker, guys.
Congratulations, Philadelphia. After the Phillies beat the Tampa Bay Rays in the World Series, you didn’t raze your city! Affirmation that Boston fans are still the most uncouth.
You win some you lose some. Michael Bloomberg is allowed to run for a third term as mayor of New York, but, his dream of a hybrid taxi fleet by 2012 was rebuffed by a federal judge. Red tape wins the round. Apparently, only the feds are allowed to set fuel efficiency standards.
And the legend grows. Madelyn Dunham, Barack Obama’s grandmother passed away yesterday after a long battle with cancer. He called her “the cornerstone” of his family. Her absentee ballot will be counted in Hawaii.
During the primary, Bill Clinton dismissed Obama’s quest for the Oval Office as a “fairy tale.” This one might come true. Tonight, watch the election together. Booze helps. If he wins, your boss won’t care if you show up late tomorrow. If your boss does care…I can’t believe you work for a Republican.
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[...] Citizen Beanstockd (11.4.08): If Barack’s Grandmother Toot Managed … During the primary, Bill Clinton dismissed Obama’s quest for the Oval Office as a “fairy tale.” This one might come true. Tonight, watch the election together. Booze helps. If he wins, you’re boss won’t care if you show up late tomorrow … [...]
Pingback by Citizen Beanstockd (11.4.08): If Barack’s Grandmother Toot Managed … 11.06.08 @ 9:24 pm[...] Girl—I called it. Little J’s a transient drifter. After making herself at home on a wooden pallet in the back alleys of Brooklyn, she now wants to [...]
Pingback by Beanstockd 11.11.08 @ 5:02 am[...] Readers, I haven’t been this upset since the vet chopped off my dog’s balls. My newly resoled shoes were sullied by the tartar sauce from a McDonald’s Filet-O-Fish sandwich. This is why I [...]
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