Filed under: Beanstockd
Every morning I walk through New York’s Union Square Greenmarket on my way to the office. And every morning, I’m reminded that there are local gourds haphazardly strewn about. Were I 80’s prop comic Gallagher, those things would get the sledge-o-matic. SQUASH! Have you ever tweaked your hammy kicking a Rockland County pumpkin because you were late and rushing frantically to work?
Yesterday’s historic edition of The New York Times was an instant collector’s item—people scooped them up by the dozen. The Times, as well as other major newspapers, printed extra copies in anticipation. We won’t count this against Barack’s eco-record. Remember, he works for us now. Be careful what you wish for, Mr. President-Elect. We can be pretty harsh critics.
With all the ballyhoo over the election subsiding, I can now get back to pining for Halloween. This year, I was Gargamel from The Smurfs. Next year, I’m thinking Quasimodo.
It’s not all bad. Bacon Bits has himself some new light bulbs, son! Compact fluorescents. My apartment building is so ancient that my old lights are actually wall-mounted oil lanterns. The only time lamp oil is abundant is during whaling season.
Who’s ready for the Holidays? I know a few people that aren’t. I tried to play Silver Bells in the office, but was summarily rebuked by the Ball Buster. Not even the Queen Bees had my back. Apparently, Beanstockd office policy—which they clearly made up on the spot—says no Christmas music until after Thanksgiving. That’s fine, while everyone else at Beanstockd is getting an eco-starter kit for the holidays, they’re getting repurposed gifts: whoopee cushions filled with grease from my George Foreman grill.
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[...] in the Greenmarket. I visited with the girl that sells acorns today. You would not believe the size of her chestnuts. [...]
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