Rumor has it that Debbie Phelps is in talks to collaborate with mommy-retailer Chico’s. Apparently, Debbie packed her suitcase to the brim with Chico’s clothing when she and golden Grecian god (son, Michael Phelps) journeyed to Beijing for this year’s Olympics. Chico’s website currently showcases Debbie’s fabulous styling in "The Debbie Phelps Collection." Things are looking good for the Phelps family! Michael’s already got a book deal, made millions in endorsements, and now momma’s following suit. Lemme see that gansta lean, Phelps fam!

Since Deb’s going all fashionista—and because we can’t help ourselves—we wrote her a letter selling her on the financial and ethical benefits of the eco-road. Organic wool is a big textile trend for fall, so we recommended Ardalanish, a Scottish supplier that boasts an organic farm and on-site weavers. If Debbers creates a collection that’s both sustainable and cool, we might consider giving our mother’s favorite store a chance. For real.

Sarah

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The Jonas Brothers teamed with Chevy to promote a green poster contest that ended up creating more trash than awareness. Fans of the Jonas Brothers brought posters designed to show being green as fun to a recent Chicago concert with the hopes of winning the grand prize—the opportunity to meet their beloved crooners. Unfortunately for many tweens and teens, the contest judges were overwhelmed by the turnout and ended up throwing fans’ creations into dumpsters. Nothing says ”fun and green” like waiting in line for hours only to have your artistic creation end up in a landfill for years to come. What next? Maybe the Jonas Brothers will decide to fight global warming by adding dates to their tour schedule and flying to them on a private jet.

LD

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Biden’s out of the bag (no more "C-2" for him!), but we’ve still got a few days until McCain gives up his goods. Meanwhile, we’ve got Hill and Bill speaking at the Democratic Convention this week pretending that they like Obama.

Unified fronts are rare in the world of politics. Dems and Repubs are risking a government shutdown on Oct. 1, which they’re calling "Energy Freedom Day." If the Dems try to attach the current ban on offshore drilling to spending bills (so that the ban is extended), the Repubs will oppose it–and shut down the entire government. At least the government would be conserving energy.

No unified fronts on the international scene either. President Bush is working on a deal with India that would establish a cooperative relationship in the research and development of nuclear power. Without nuclear power, India is stuck in the stone age of coal power. Too bad Congress and India can’t agree on anything.

We’d like to stone coal power, but looks like we can’t get rid of it either. Coal companies are going all out at both the Democratic and Republican National Conventions to lobby for subsidies that would promote the reduction of coal’s carbon footprint. Clean coal? The idea makes us feel all ashy.

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In an effort to boost ratings, Fox is adding a new judge no one’s heard of to American Idol.

To be fair, new judge and successful songwriter Kara DioGuardi has worked with dozens of famous artists, such as Pink and Carrie Underwood. Oh. And also Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton. Which should either make her a fantastic judge of talent or a terrible one.

But if Fox really wanted to get us watching again (we honestly stopped after people started bombing on purpose so they could get on the crazy reel) they could have an Environmental Song Week.

Or, at least, stop going so over-the-top with all those lights. We mean, c’mon, we don’t need to burn an entire coal mine so we add strobe effects to a cover of "Imagine."

MD

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Keeping up with Kim Kardashian will be even easier considering that she just injured her foot a little less than a month before her September 22nd debut on Dancing with the Stars. According to Us Magazine, Kim sustained her injury by pushing away a broken "mirrored, Venetian little desk" with her foot.

As Kim reduces her feet to shreds, 7 out of 10 Americans are reducing their carbon footprints as a reaction to the high gasoline prices. Since feet, in addition to public transit, are becoming more popular modes of transportation, Kim should be friendly to her footsies. Though Kardashian’s brilliant decision to combine bare feet and broken glass has us eagerly looking forward to this new season of DWTS and the many varieties of hijinks (and calculated sympathetic injuries) that could be in store. Maybe she’ll literally walk over some hot coals while the judges rake her over them.

LD

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Watch out Arthur Ashe Stadium, Henry Hager’s like A.C. Slater: when it comes to sports, he’s good at everythang! Okay, that’s not true, look at him…UNLESS your game is reddest face or tallest drink of water or turning dials for Big Energy—which it is! In May we told you Henry was headed for a gig with Constellation Energy. Today, we’re reading some schmuck’s paper and see that the US Open will be completely "wind powered" and wouldn’t cha know it, supplying the wind credits is…Constellation Energy! Henry’s swell. And likely very stiff and undexterous.

Bacon Bits

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A lot has been going on in Madge-land lately. For starters, she kicked off her Sticky and Sweet tour in Wales this weekend. Apparently, she also renewed her vows with Guy Ritchie. And last weekend, girlfriend turned the big 5-0! Welcome to the club of fifty and fabulous, Madonna! Samantha Jones sends her love.

Now, we’ve been big fans since we got our hands on the Erotica album way back in 1992. We loved her then, and we love her now. So get down with your bad self, Esther! We don’t care how old you are!

Things we do care about: Madge and Guy’s vow renewal, the HOT MESS pictures from the new tour, getting Madonna on the cover of Boho Magazine (a new fashion mag that’s all green, all the way). We think Madge would be a fun choice for the newly established publication, especially because we think Queen M could stand to learn a few tips from the Boho goddesses. For starters, though, we offer Madonna this list of easy green tips, all of which she can do on tour!

Sarah

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Comedy Central Presents starts taping this week and this year’s line-up—including man-crush favorite John Mulaney—is stunning.

Which is nice, because according to CNN bad jokes can result in violence towards the teller. That’s what she said! Are we right, guys? Oh no! Our favorite part:

"And jokes that fail to deliver humor are a violation of a social contract, so punishing the teller can discourage similar behavior in the future."

This means the negative reaction to a bad joke might prevent people from thinking the subject is okay. So if we wrote some bad jokes about ignoring the environmental issues, people would hate them so much, they’d actually care about the environment.

It’s probably a terrible idea, but we never do what I want to do, so here we go anyway!

How do you get a blonde to the beach? Ignore climate change and wait for the glaciers to melt until her coastal home is flooded! Oh snap!

A rabbi, a priest, and a reverend walk into a bar. It used to be a forest but, you know, we need more bars.

How many men does it take to screw in a regular light bulb? One. It’s not that hard. Oh, but then you need another replace it way too early and add to our growing trash problem. So two.

You ever notice the difference between white people and black people? White people throw out their recyclables all "I’m awkward!" But black people throw out their recyclables all "I’m confident."

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Global.
Global who?
Global Warming.
Oh. Well, you’re probably not real.
But I’m at your front door.
Whatever, bro.

Knowing the Internet, someone will definitely take these jokes at face value. So sad.

MD

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Barack Obama’s running mate is…drum roll please…SENATOR JOE BIDEN of Delaware. Biden gives Obama foreign policy experience and he is a big proponent of biofuels.

The Olympics have come to an end, and will not be seen again until Winter 2010 in Vancouver, when with the arrival of the winter athletes, Canada will see its population double. Our friendly northern neighbors vowed to make the winter games carbon neutral. Even though that was a year ago, we’ll keep our hopes up.

MTV’s cash cow The Hills pays Lauren $10,000 an episode more than Heidi, but both members of Speidi are worth the same amount. Wonder who negotiated that contract? *cough*Spencer*cough*.

Speidi’s parents should have Exiled their kids long-time ago. But, since we can’t see them rough it in the wilds of Peru, we’ll enjoy watching the spoiled brats of MTV’s My Super Sweet Sixteen get what they deserve tonight.

Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling are together again and all is right in the world.

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They’re adorable, they’re progressive and they’ve both got a great set of teeth (although Biden’s might be attached with Fixodent). Could we possibly ask for anymore chemistry than what Barack and Joe have already got going on? It is simply off the chain.

However, Republican opponent John McCain wasted no time trying to pit them against each other in this new campaign ad.

McCain can keep making ads and writing about BarJoe in the bathroom stalls, but he can’t take away the love that the League of Conservation Voters has for Joe Biden. Among Joe Biden’s most eco-endearing deeds, he was a co-sponsor of the Boxer-Sanders Global Warming Pollution Reduction Act, along with Barack and Hillary. One of the most hardcore climate bills in the Senate, it calls for the US to reduce its emissions to 1990 levels by the year 2020.

Jen

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