If Zac wore more flamboyant guyliner, Ashley Olsen would be all over him.

It worked for Jared Leto. He and Ash were seen canoodling at the Art of Elysium gala in L.A. last week. No alert necessary, they’ve long been friends with bennies.

Ain’t nothin’ wrong with that. We just hope they used a Condomi. They’re vegan lids that come in strawberry, chocolate, spearmint, and coconut flavors. Hopefully, they passed on the K-Y. That sh*t can’t be good for the planet.

Bacon Bits

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This summer, as we traipsed down the gilded streets of Central Park South, who did we see but Mary J. Blige climbing out of a black Escalade and entering the Ritz Carlton. “Damn,” we said, “she looks good. Look at those biceps and possibly rock-hard abs. She must do pilates at least three times a week.”

In reality, apparently she does not. Ms. Blige’s toned bod may be the result of a little ‘roid poppage. MJB has just been charged (along with 50 cent, but that’s not too surprising) with the use of performance enhancing drugs. Timbaland, Tyler Perry, and Wyclef Jean are also under investigation.

Why would singers, producers and actors want to take steroids? Especially knowing that pharmaceutical products like these show up as pollutants in our water and cause ecological harm.

Which teaches us an important lesson: Make sure to Brita the hell out of your tap water next time you’re thirsty, or you may just wake up with quadriceps the size of Zac Efron’s head.

Drizzler

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We had to go to Kinko’s to find a scanner big enough for today’s paper.

More good news for theater lovers! Joining the Tony Award-winning cast of Spamalot this January will be the star of Disney’s High School Musical, Zac Efron! Like Julia Roberts and Claire Danes before her, Zac is refining her craft by going back to her roots, stage.

We applaud the career move, but it’s bad news for the planet. A star of Ms. Efron’s magnitude will do huge numbers on Broadway. This means hordes descending on Broadway and a hefty carbon footprint. We know that’s the point, but believe it or not, Zac’s former medium, television, is actually greener than theater, relatively speaking. Movie theaters are even worse.

Luckily, this eco-unfriendly union only lasts until May 4th and it’s really Clay Aiken.

Bacon Bits

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Efron, making that “please hit me as hard as you can” face that 13 year-old girls just can’t resist

Zac Efron’s girlfriend thinks he’s too much of a candy-ass. She’s ticked because he didn’t want to go to her little sister’s birthday party because he had a pimple. He’s that much of a prima-donna.

You know you’ve crossed a prima-donna line when your 19 year-old movie star girlfriend thinks you are too superficial. We haven’t met Vanessa Hudgens, but we’re guessing she’s talked at length on the cellie about more than one bad hair day. Zac, dude, man up.

What if you were, say, the Environment Minister of Ireland (just for example). Would you have had the cajones to declare yours the first European country to ban wasteful incandescent lights in favor of more efficient LEDs and fluorescents?

We know, Zac. You don’t like the way you look under fluorescent lighting. No one asked. –BradyDale

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Omagod I can’t tell the difference

Is anyone a bit disturbed/excited about how Chace Crawford, who you may know as Blair’s prepster boyf in Gossip Girl, is a blatant Zac Efron lookalike?

Chace Crawford (left), who we foresee becoming TV’s latest heartthrob, looks like Efron + 10 years - 3 pounds of makeup. Who’s the hotter twin? We’re pulling for Crawford, but Efron stepped it up by taking a green limo to the 2007 Teen Choice awards.

What we’re wondering is, how did Aaron Carter manage to weasel his way onto the show? Kandz

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