So if you were too overwhelmed in the post-prison media blitz to catch this, PHiltz is so over her bout of DUI that she is delving headfirst into the alchy business herself, developing her very own brand-name canned champagne. Personally, we think she just wanted an excuse to be spray-painted gold and get nude photos taken.

Not only is champs in the long-stemmed glass classier, but canned champs will unnecessarily add to the 1.57 million cans used each year (about 352 cans per person/per year). Not to mention we doubt bubbly blonde juice is going to be very high quality. Paris could quit outsourcing her name to cheap liquids and instead make money by recycling the aluminum. Americans earned about $1 Billion last year recycling aluminum cans. That’s about daddy’s net worth, no?

Informr Bean

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Pictures of Paris Hilton and a painfully perfect looking young fellow have been floating around the internet. Apparently the mystery man is her new Swedish boyfriend, Alex Vaggo. Although his looks could probably land him a decent modeling job here in the states, back home he works as a pizza delivery boy. Good old Paris, always keeping her standards high.

Another happy new coupling on our radar: Google and naturally-generated power. The company has decided to expand into alternative energy as a way to lessen the energy used to power their massive computer centers. Google in turn hopes that they will contribute to “making the world a better place.” Remember when Paris said the same thing on Larry King? We find it more believable coming out of Google’s mouth. AF

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(And believe it or not, her idea of ‘help’ does not consist of providing more booze or an entourage of self-destructive socialites.)

It’s hard to say which is stranger — that Paris could be the voice of sobriety or that intoxicated elephants are actually a serious problem in rural areas of northeast India. Last month, a herd of almost 40 wild Asiatic elephants entered the agrarian village of Chandan Nukat in search of food. Some of the animals discovered cannisters of rice beer, which local farmers store in their huts, and proceeded to get smashed. The plastered pachyderms soon became out of control and uprooted a utility pole, causing six of them to be fatally electrocuted by severed power lines. The worst part? Regional conservationists fear that the elephants will be making more and more appearances in Indian settlements, due to the consistent, reckless destruction of their natural wooded habitat by (you guessed it) human beings.

So where does Miss Hilton come in? According to the World Entertainment News Network, she made the following statement after hearing about the unfortunate incident: “The elephants get drunk all the time. It is becoming really dangerous. We need to stop making alcohol available to them.” Conservationists and animal activists commended Paris for her support, hoping that her celebrity status would generate public interest and raise global awareness. But don’t sing Paris’ praises just yet. Yesterday, her publicist Lori Berk denied that Hilton had made any remarks about spearheading a campaign to rescue binge-drinking elephants.

Stay tuned though…word on the street is that Paris has expressed a growing concern about rhinoceros drug addicts and nymphomaniacal orangutans. AT

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(And believe it or not, her idea of ‘help’ does not consist of providing more booze or an entourage of self-destructive socialites.)

It’s hard to say which is stranger — that Paris could be the voice of sobriety or that intoxicated elephants are actually a serious problem in rural areas of northeast India. Last month, a herd of almost 40 wild Asiatic elephants entered the agrarian village of Chandan Nukat in search of food. Some of the animals discovered cannisters of rice beer, which local farmers store in their huts, and proceeded to get smashed. The plastered pachyderms soon became out of control and uprooted a utility pole, causing six of them to be fatally electrocuted by severed power lines. The worst part? Regional conservationists fear that the elephants will be making more and more appearances in Indian settlements, due to the consistent, reckless destruction of their natural wooded habitat by (you guessed it) human beings.

So where does Miss Hilton come in? According to the World Entertainment News Network, she made the following statement after hearing about the unfortunate incident: “The elephants get drunk all the time. It is becoming really dangerous. We need to stop making alcohol available to them.” Conservationists and animal activists commended Paris for her support, hoping that her celebrity status would generate public interest and raise global awareness. But don’t sing Paris’ praises just yet. Yesterday, her publicist Lori Berk denied that Hilton had made any remarks about spearheading a campaign to rescue binge-drinking elephants.

Stay tuned though…word on the street is that Paris has expressed a growing concern about rhinoceros drug addicts and nymphomaniacal orangutans. AT

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The one and only un-original

Paris is following in the steps of Brangelina and Madonna ‘n Guy Ritchie (you’ve gotta love that he clearly was never famous enough to latch onto her name) and heading off to Africa. Rwanda to be precise… and for once this is not a celeb-adopts-an-ethnic-child story. She’s just going to offer her attention-hoarding services, which after all is what she’s best at.

In true Trippin’ form, a camera crew will follow her around the genocide-stricken country covering her wide-eyed introduction to the lives of the seriously less-fortunate.  At least knowing the stylish Paris, we’re sure they’ll be rolling in a sexy SUV crossover like the Nissan Rouge, and not an played-out Hummer or, gag, Range Rover.  Informr Bean