Barack Obama may still have that pesky “elect” in front of his name, but that doesn’t mean he has time to rest. Besides figuring out who to name (Secretary of State Hillary Clinton? John Kerry?) to the existing Cabinet, there’s the matter of adding to the Cabinet – Climate Czar anyone? Obama’s transition team still hasn’t put out any final word on this potential post, but favored Al Gore has already said he wouldn’t take the job anyway. Well, Ted Stevens, whose expulsion vote from the Senate has been postponed, also said he didn’t do anything wrong, and we all know how that one turned out.

Also deceiving are the numbers from the UN about the Kyoto Protocol. It seems like the 40 countries that signed the protocol actually managed to reduce emissions by the agreed average 5 percent below 1990 levels. Unfortunately, this basically only happened because all those ex-communist eastern European countries have taken such a dive financially. As for the rest of the countries, emissions actually have risen since 2000.

Great Britain became the first country to pass actual legislation regarding climate change yesterday when it finalized a bill to cut greenhouse gas emissions by 80 percent by 2050. In addition to reducing plastic bag usage and establishing emissions trading programs, a committee will be created to monitor climate change and cap pollution during five-year periods.

America could take a tea leaf out of Britain’s book. In its final weeks, the Bush administration is working to ensure the country’s dependency on oil. It established the basis for oil shale drilling on federal lands in Colorado, Utah and Wyoming, where a supposed 800 billion barrels of oil is located. Of course, oil shale is only, you know, twice as costly in terms of energy to produce than crude oil.

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People ask me all the time, “Mr. Bits, what’s it like writing for a world-renowned eco-celebrity site?” Honestly, it’s tough. Militant greenies are always chiding me because of my inherent aversion to things like boxed wine and musks.

Just one week into Barack Obama’s transition and we have a Chief of Staff called Rahm-bo, a visit to the Oval Office and a media love affair that won’t let up. Has any President-Elect ever received this much attention—or scrutiny? Big Green Al wrote an op-ed in the old gray lady about the new administration, energy and the environment.

Gossip Girl—I called it. Little J’s a transient drifter. After making herself at home on a wooden pallet in the back alleys of Brooklyn, she now wants to legally emancipate herself from her parents. The villain from The Princess Bride is now banging Eleanor Waldorf and living under the same roof as Blair. Dan found blood on the hands of Bart Bass, but he’s keeping that ace up his sleeve. If I know my nefarious rapscallions, this ain’t over for Chuck Bass. Nate wasn’t in the episode and I choose to disregard Serena’s storyline.

Look it’s my pet plant, Grey Poupon! Putting used coffee grinds in your potting soil can help the plant grow. Our disgusting office coffee might not do the trick on a morning hangover, but it’s doing wonders for Grey here.

Finally, who knew there were so many Guns N’ Roses fans among the Beanstockd readership? After our review of their new single, we’ve gotten a lot of feedback from some pretty devout GNF’nR supporters. Two things guys: everybody knows Slash’s Snake Pit is the real “new” Guns N’ Roses and can we bring back Axl’s high tops and hot pants?

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In case you haven’t noticed, the economy is kind of kicking us in the face. President Bush has proposed a $700 billion bailout aka the amount of money we spent on imported oil this year instead of trying to reform anything. If the plan goes through, Obama has already said his energy plan would probably suffer. Sigh. Sad face.

Happy face! The West Coast + parts of Canadia have proposed a plan to cut emissions from power plants, manufacturers and vehicles. Known as the Western Climate Initiative, the plan would establish a regional market to trade carbon credits, and hopes to get below 2005 levels by 2020.

Happiness continues. Al Gore’s been in cahoots with Kenyan environmentalist Wangari Maathai, working on a new United Nations-backed global warming treaty that would better protect tropical forests.

Wait, turn that smile upside down again. House Dems have removed the ban on offshore drilling?! Stupid cowards. Even if the White House did veto it, at least you wouldn’t have sold OUT!

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Before Angelina Jolie cared about refugees and Al Gore found the truth inconvenient, Robert Redford worked to raise awareness about environmental and social issues using art. Out of his activism, the Sundance Film Festival was born. Now, Redford turns his sights from film to poetry. Working with Youth Speaks, Redford is calling all young poets to write about their concern for global warming. Finally, young writers are given the chance to join the ranks of such esteemed poetic forbearers as Charlie Sheen, Leonard Nimoy, and (who can forget?) Jewel’s A Night Without Armor. (Thanks to lack of interest in these previous poetry volumes, a slice of rainforest remains alive.)

LD

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Living up to his Oscar and Nobel Prize wins, Al Gore has installed a geothermal heating and cooling system and 33 solar panels as part of a two-year long makeover of his home. (Looks like he might need an organic mattress, too.) Maybe all the hubbub has been distracting him from the presidential race going on, which might explain why it took him so long to endorse Democratic nominee-to-be Barack Obama…but endorse he has. Al told a crowd of 20,000 in Michigan (the same place where John Edwards announced he’d back Barack) last week that he’s going to do everything he can to make sure Barack is elected. But, if Barack is as eco-friendly as his new bff, we might have a few questions about some of his ethanol projects.

IK

Where to start with last week’s Tribeca Film Festival?

MK Olsen’s much anticipated film, “The Wackness” premiered. Turns out it’s about youth and hip-hop culture in 1994, and not sex and necrophilia as originally claimed. Dang! Though the concept seems kind of appealing, the tagline “sometimes it’s right to do the wrong things” hands down lives up to the movie’s title.

How about the Tribeca Green Party, which kicked off the entire festival? The soiree was host to an array of guests like Al Gore and Live Earth performers, and featured a well-intentioned yet self-indulgent skit by Robert DeNiro and Jimmy Fallon held in a biodiesel powered venue.

But perhaps the highlight of the night was news that Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon may be boning — which has left a taste in our mouth that is not as sweet as the one brought on by the Ashton-Demi marriage but is thankfully less vomit-inducing than the Ray-J-Whitney atrocity.

All in all, Tribeca brought us its usual flood of breaking insider news…and some movies too of course.

Drizzler

Hello Beanies,

Hope you had a nice week, despite all the signs of the apocalypse.

I was too lazy to play an April Fool’s joke, but the ladies at Jezebel weren’t! They pretended to be taken over by CondeNast. That’d be like Beanstockd selling out to Chevron. Over our dead bodies!

In other signs of society’s imminent collapse, a former beauty/current tranny has been making headlines and doing the talk show circuit—for being a pregnant man. Men having babies? Hmm…that might not be a bad idea. Didn’t the Governator make a movie like that?

In even weirder news, Al Gore’s Oscar and Nobel Prize were all shams! Well, that’s what some scientists are saying. Apparently, the world hasn’t gotten any warmer since 1998 and with La Nina, 2008 looks to be a lot colder and some scientists think that global warming might not be. HELLO PEOPLE IT’S REAL! We’re releasing more greenhouse gases into the atmosphere everyday. Even if it weren’t, would you not wear deodorant if people said it was okay to stink?

A reformed Naomi Campbell was arrested in London after an altercation with airport security. She just wanted to take on two carry-on bags! Can you say community service fashion show part two?

Fidel Castro’s brother Raul, the current leader of Cuba, loosens restrictions on Cuban citizens. Cubans are now allowed to own cell phones, stay in luxury hotels, and buy other cool electronic gadgets.

Heidi Montag is endorsing John McCain! He never misses an episode, but he does miss important eco-votes. This is funny on so many levels.

Anyhoo, guess who really got married?!? No, not Brangelina, but Beyon-Z. Jay-Z and Beyonce, linked since 2002, finally made it official on Friday. The all-white reception was attended by the rest of Destiny’s Child and all their closest celebrity friends. We weren’t invited. When Brangelina gets married, we know the world will truly be ending. What else will we have to live for?

I mean, come on, is it really so difficult to reach a consensus about the state of the world? Are we quickly approaching the end of all life or do we have hundreds—perhaps thousands—of years to merrily continue drinking our bottled water and reading our glossy mags? We need to know!

Although most of us these days tend to believe Al Gore’s Truth, there are those who, contrary to the current popular viewpoint, say it’s not the catastrophe so commonly projected these days. In fact, there was a conference this week presenting another side to the environmental debate that you may not have even known about, since it received almost no media publicity.

Really, what it should come down to is that this planet’s inhabitants treat it as they would their own home. Clean up after yourselves. Save energy. Be responsible. And hopefully there are plenty of years left for us to ogle prematurely famous progeny.

On this V-Day, nobody. He needs more wooing.

Talk about biting the hand that feeds you! Mr. Inconvenient Truth, Al Gore, got to ride shotgun with the Clintons for eight years and now he won’t even vouch for them. He’s lucky we’re not Hillary, because in our cutthroat world of karmic justice, his social life would be soooo over.

Either way, it might be too late. With Virginia, Maryland and DC now in the bag, that makes ten straight wins for the Obama juggernaut. We love us some Hill and Bill, but this might be too much for even two Clintons to overcome. Poor Hill, at least she knows Chelsea’s on board.

As for those “superdelegates?” Smells like a cheerocracy.

Bacon Bits