We have discovered two things today:
1)Chuck Bass has developed a taste for the older lady.
2)Juliette Lewis doesn’t watch Gossip Girl.

Sorry, we should correct ourselves there – Ed Westwick has developed a taste for the older woman. We presume this quite simply because, after his somewhat recent foray with the ever pashing Drew Barrymore, Mr Westwick was caught trying to chat up actress/rocker Juliette Lewis at a Killers concert.

Her response? “Who is this guy?”

Our response? Zang!

Maybe liddle CBass should get his priorities straight and from that environmentally aware hot piece of man meat who actually successfully once loved that same Ms Lewis. Well… almost.

Yup, Brad Pitt is a wise soul. He is, after all, the guy who said that “being married means I can [break wind] and eat ice cream in bed”. Seriously. Waddaman.

Jessua

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Jennifer Aniston is apparently beyond ready for the three years (and counting!) pity party to be over. She has recently said, "This whole ‘Poor lonely Jen’ thing, this idea that I’m so unlucky in love?…I actually feel I’ve been unbelievably lucky in love…I’m right where I’m supposed to be.” Sounds great, Jen! And, we’d totally believe her if she hadn’t just gone and bad-mouthed Angelina Jolie (again) in an interview with Vogue. If Jen was so over it all, she’d hardly be calling Angie “really uncool” for what happened with her ex-hubby Brad Pitt. Jen should consider, dare we suggest, following in Angelina’s footsteps and getting a cause. Now, she shouldn’t copy the Jolie-Pitts’ refugees cause. She should find her own, possibly at Green-Passions, which can satisfy activism and her dating needs when she and John Mayer go off-again. We are definitely ready to see the end of the “Poor lonely Jen thing,” but we’re still waiting… maybe it’ll be over in 2024 when Shiloh is just about to go off to college.

LD

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We definitely don’t want to Burn After Reading Brad Pitt’s latest news, "Angie and I will consider tying the knot when everyone else in the country who wants to be married is legally able." Pitt backed up his pronouncement with a $100,000 donation to help fight Proposition 8 (a California ballot initiative that is trying to take away same-sex couples’ right to marry in the state). We may not all be able to donate $100,000 to a worthy cause (or adopt a new child every 2 months), but we can do our little bit in a paper-free way by letting our credit card do the donating. A few credit cards, including Defender’s of Wildlife Credit Card, will give a small percentage of whatever you charge to the worthy charity of your choice. Meaning you can save the environment, the whales, whatever, without having to write a paper check. Finally, being a shopaholic can benefit the world.

LD

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Want to groom like Brad Pitt? We know you do. It’s ok, we do too, even though most of us here at Beanstockd don’t have ’staches to shave. Pitt has signed on to endorse a new, eco-friendly line of body products from Kiehl’s, our favorite too-expensive-but-oh-so-good pharmacy. The aloe vera biodegradable liquid cleanser will be released in October, and sadly, Brad won’t appear on the bottle, or in the ads. Happily, all proceeds will go straight to JPF Eco Systems, a new foundation created by Kiehl’s and Pitt to benefit global initiatives to "minimize impact on the environment through thoughtful design." Read: the cleanser is expected to make at least $1 million big ones; going green has never been so profitable. Or so sexy. Mmm, Brad Pitt. This is one expense we’re just going to have to justify.

Sarah

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Did you hear? Scientists at MIT have come up with a breakthrough so revolutionary that it might actually make widespread use of solar power possible! Enough solar power hits the planet in an hour to power the whole planet for a year, the problem has always been how do you collect it and how do you store it for nighttime? Scientist may have figured it out by using solar energy to make oxygen and hydrogen for fuel cells, which could mean that before long we can use solar power for just about everything.

Who cares, though, right? Brangelina’s first baby photos of the twins, Vivienne Marcheline and Knox Leon are out! It’s a 19 page "family photo album" in this week’s People Magazine. The couple were paid $14 million which, of course, they gave to charity. Such nice kids.

If that’s not enough baby porn for you, E! Online has an archive of famous celebrity baby photo covers. (Thank God, right?) It’s too bad the mainstream media can’t focus more on really important news—like which famous lady got knocked up this week—rather than these absurd tidbits about revolutionary alternative energy technology that always seem to make the top headline.

BradyDale

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Did you hear? Angelina Jolie has checked into the hospital to have her twins! We’re betting you did hear. Everyone knows. We walked by a taxi stand last night and the only words we could make out were "Brangelina" and "esploder," again and again!

She hasn’t had the baby yet, but thanks to Jack Black everyone is expecting a double-whammy. We may not know when the moment has arrived till a little after its over, though. Angelina has a security laden floor of a hospital in Nice, France, to herself and her crew. Meanwhile, Pitt’s holding the very expansive fort down with the rest of the brood nearby.

The biggest news in progeny has come out at the same moment as the biggest news in forest conservation. The New York Times is reporting a $510 million deal to preserve 500 square miles of former timber land in Montana. As the price of lumber falls, developers have been buying it to build housing. Protecting this forest land and keeping it intact is important, because its one of the only US ecosystems that hasn’t had any extinctions since the Lewis & Clark.

Lewis & Clark? Now those would be cute names for two twins.

BradyDale

Angelina Jolie may romance James McAvoy in their new thriller Wanted (due out June 27th), but she only wants to take a roll in the hay with one man in her real life – Brad Pitt.  In an MTV News interview Jolie said, "Well, you know Brad was … [Laughs] I’ll always prefer rolling around on the floor with him than any other man. You know, in general."

In the event that Jolie and Pitt want to roll around on something a little more comfortable than the floor, they can check out organic mattresses offered by The Organic Mattress Store, CozyPure, Lifekind, or Shepherd’s Dream.  Not only are organic mattresses free from pesticides as well as fire and dust mite resistant, the cotton used in the mattresses comes from growers who use sustainable methods to help preserve our environment. Besides, rug burn is never fun unless Mr. and Mrs. Smith are into that kind of thing.

LD

Mariah to Nick Cannon: If you’re really a prince, I’ll marry you.

We pray to all that is green for this to be true. Even if that is the same frosting he gave his first fiancé, model Selita Ebanks. The way we see it, Mr. Mimi (nee Wild’n Out) is just practicing one of the almighty Three R’s—Recycling.

Our eco-friendly engines are thirsting for the sustainable fuel that only an entertaining new power couple can provide. We’re not sold whatsoever on the validity of TomKat and we’ve wearied of Brangelina’s rainbow coalition. That leaves us with Heidi & Spencer and Paris & Nicole Richie’s brother-in-law. Unless Nick really is that ghetto and Mariah doesn’t read tabloids, we don’t ever see them actually getting married, but we do see them recycling this old story line: engagement/wedding build-up/amicable separation/no wedding.

That is, if this isn’t an episode of Pop Fiction.

Bacon Bits

Hello Beanies,

Hope you had a nice week, despite all the signs of the apocalypse.

I was too lazy to play an April Fool’s joke, but the ladies at Jezebel weren’t! They pretended to be taken over by CondeNast. That’d be like Beanstockd selling out to Chevron. Over our dead bodies!

In other signs of society’s imminent collapse, a former beauty/current tranny has been making headlines and doing the talk show circuit—for being a pregnant man. Men having babies? Hmm…that might not be a bad idea. Didn’t the Governator make a movie like that?

In even weirder news, Al Gore’s Oscar and Nobel Prize were all shams! Well, that’s what some scientists are saying. Apparently, the world hasn’t gotten any warmer since 1998 and with La Nina, 2008 looks to be a lot colder and some scientists think that global warming might not be. HELLO PEOPLE IT’S REAL! We’re releasing more greenhouse gases into the atmosphere everyday. Even if it weren’t, would you not wear deodorant if people said it was okay to stink?

A reformed Naomi Campbell was arrested in London after an altercation with airport security. She just wanted to take on two carry-on bags! Can you say community service fashion show part two?

Fidel Castro’s brother Raul, the current leader of Cuba, loosens restrictions on Cuban citizens. Cubans are now allowed to own cell phones, stay in luxury hotels, and buy other cool electronic gadgets.

Heidi Montag is endorsing John McCain! He never misses an episode, but he does miss important eco-votes. This is funny on so many levels.

Anyhoo, guess who really got married?!? No, not Brangelina, but Beyon-Z. Jay-Z and Beyonce, linked since 2002, finally made it official on Friday. The all-white reception was attended by the rest of Destiny’s Child and all their closest celebrity friends. We weren’t invited. When Brangelina gets married, we know the world will truly be ending. What else will we have to live for?

Hey Beanies,

Just got back from Spring Vaca…aka sitting on my ass in front of the tv.

So, Bear Stearns collapsed and JPMorgan Chase picked up the pieces. Sorry summer interns, looks as though you’ll be mowing lawns this summer. Perhaps you can look for a green job instead?

While McCain was renewing his Geritol prescription, the Dems were imploding. The last seven news cycles were filled with more Obama endorsements and more calls for Hillary to drop out of the race. There was also the problem of Hillary surviving Bosnian sniper fire. Did Sinbad just Swift Boat the Clintons? We’ll see in three weeks.

On Saturday, Australia went dark for the second annual Earth Hour. Its citizens, as well as famous landmarks like the Sydney Opera House, turned off their lights for 60 planet cooling minutes. Even McDonalds of Australia turned off their famous Golden Arches. Did we mention over 20 other cities around the globe played, too? If you missed it, you can still turn off all of your stuff for an hour, or even the whole night.

Did they or didn’t they? Star reported Angelina and Brad’s secret wedding in New Orleans this weekend, but the pair weren’t actually in the state at all. We kind of hope this is not true because everyone knows that marriage in Hollywood = Divorce. One relationship that’s lasted through the ages though is No Doubt. Gwen and the boys are back in the studio working on new material!

Play ball!