Autumn in the Greenmarket. I visited with the girl who sells acorns today. You would not believe the size of her chestnuts. I couldn’t stop staring, so she started talking green to me. A valuable species for reforestation, beech trees—the bearers of said chestnuts— compete well for resources, which means they grow quickly.

Thanksgiving on Gossip Girl. After going rogue for a few episodes, Little J is principled again. Vanessa, however, popped her dark side cherry. She burgles mail now—especially love letters addressed to Jenny from Nate. Was anyone else getting intermittent interference? There was this guy with a pube-stache who kept showing up on my screen every time Serena was on it.

Clan in da front, let ya feet stomp. ESPN’s been getting more playing time on my tube lately. In college football, Alabama (roll tide!) is working its way toward a national championship meeting with Texas Tech, but both schools still have tough games ahead. College hoops tipped off last week and we already have a huge upset. Yikes, Kentucky, Virginia Military Institute? In the NBA, Kobe Bryant and the Lakers were finally handed their first loss by Detroit—the greatest winning streak of all time, the Wu-Tang Clan’s run in the mid-90s, is safe.

I learned about “e-waste” on 60 Minutes. There’s a black market for all those old computers and phones we throw away. Seemingly reputable recycling centers in the US are shipping everything from monitors to Xerox machines to China, where, using “medieval techniques,” valuable trace materials like mercury and gold are extracted. The residual effects on the local ecology are devastating and the criminals on both sides of the Pacific should go right to f@#king jail.

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We know times have been tough on Cindy McCain. Her way-too-old-for-her husband ran a shoddy campaign, then lost to The Greatest Man That Has Ever Lived. But honestly, this is hard on him, too! Don’t you think he already doubts his own self worth after losing the biggest and most important race in recent history?

And she had to go and smooch some “washed up 80s rock star” type. Now, we’ve heard that John’s put her through the ringer, so we’ll try not to take sides. But really, couldn’t she do a little better? She’s younger, blonder and hotter, and chose a guy with messy hair and fugly clothing? Minus 10 points for Cindalicious.

If Cindy’s going to cheat, she should at least do it with a hottie. And do it someplace private, not at a music festival in freaking Arizona. How about a car? An environmentally-friendly car! That’s right, according to Treehugger it’s possible to do the deed in a tiny green car just as easily as in a stretch limo. All it takes is some creativity. Speaking of doing the deed in limos, Chuck Bass would have been a much better choice…

Sarah

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We have discovered two things today:
1)Chuck Bass has developed a taste for the older lady.
2)Juliette Lewis doesn’t watch Gossip Girl.

Sorry, we should correct ourselves there – Ed Westwick has developed a taste for the older woman. We presume this quite simply because, after his somewhat recent foray with the ever pashing Drew Barrymore, Mr Westwick was caught trying to chat up actress/rocker Juliette Lewis at a Killers concert.

Her response? “Who is this guy?”

Our response? Zang!

Maybe liddle CBass should get his priorities straight and from that environmentally aware hot piece of man meat who actually successfully once loved that same Ms Lewis. Well… almost.

Yup, Brad Pitt is a wise soul. He is, after all, the guy who said that “being married means I can [break wind] and eat ice cream in bed”. Seriously. Waddaman.

Jessua

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People ask me all the time, “Mr. Bits, what’s it like writing for a world-renowned eco-celebrity site?” Honestly, it’s tough. Militant greenies are always chiding me because of my inherent aversion to things like boxed wine and musks.

Just one week into Barack Obama’s transition and we have a Chief of Staff called Rahm-bo, a visit to the Oval Office and a media love affair that won’t let up. Has any President-Elect ever received this much attention—or scrutiny? Big Green Al wrote an op-ed in the old gray lady about the new administration, energy and the environment.

Gossip Girl—I called it. Little J’s a transient drifter. After making herself at home on a wooden pallet in the back alleys of Brooklyn, she now wants to legally emancipate herself from her parents. The villain from The Princess Bride is now banging Eleanor Waldorf and living under the same roof as Blair. Dan found blood on the hands of Bart Bass, but he’s keeping that ace up his sleeve. If I know my nefarious rapscallions, this ain’t over for Chuck Bass. Nate wasn’t in the episode and I choose to disregard Serena’s storyline.

Look it’s my pet plant, Grey Poupon! Putting used coffee grinds in your potting soil can help the plant grow. Our disgusting office coffee might not do the trick on a morning hangover, but it’s doing wonders for Grey here.

Finally, who knew there were so many Guns N’ Roses fans among the Beanstockd readership? After our review of their new single, we’ve gotten a lot of feedback from some pretty devout GNF’nR supporters. Two things guys: everybody knows Slash’s Snake Pit is the real “new” Guns N’ Roses and can we bring back Axl’s high tops and hot pants?

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Things have been going so smoothly for Britney Spears lately. She was well received at the VMAs, her single Womanizer is so good that it was featured in a GG promo and she’s looking as good as ever. So you can imagine it’s hard for us to report that little Jayden James had to go and screw it all up by getting himself admitted to the hospital in her hometown of Kentwood.

Sorry! We didn’t mean it like that. We know Jayden suffered from an allergic reaction and had to be driven by Brit herself to the nearest hospital faster than you can say KFed. We feel for him, and our “Get Well Soon” basket is on its way. But we’re annoyed that this had to happen. Brit’s been on such a roll. We’re enamored with the newly leaked Kill the Lights, and we were so happy to see her on stage with Madonna.

We hope Jayden gets well real soon, but in the meantime, we’d suggest Mama Brit check out this selection of eco-friendly, super fast cars, so that next time she has to rush to the hospital on ‘dem country roads, she does so eco-consciously.

Sarah

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What a perfect day to make history. If you haven’t voted yet, allow me to quote Martin Lawrence: GET TA STEPPIN! Do you really want to be the jerk that didn’t vote in this election? (I’m lookin’ at you Ohio. You, too, Florida.)

Hey, I’m Bacon Bits, you guys know me. So the Beanstockd powers-that-be brought on this new editor and he’s a f*cking ball buster. We lock horns all the time. He thinks I should write a “column.”

I live and work in New York, so let’s start with Beanstockd’s favorite show, The Chuck Bass Hour. It wasn’t a big episode for the volatile gray-area perv, but it was a big episode for Jenny Humphrey. After dropping out of school, throwing a successful guerrilla fashion show and running away from home, is Little J headed for life as a transient drifter?

So, I did something kind of green. I visited my local cobbler! Instead of buying new shoes, I had the leather soles replaced on my old shoes. I’ve never done it before. Not too shabby. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but the shoes look almost new again. Saved a nice chunk of change, too. Think about it the next time you’re shopping for “work shoes” in the brown Skechers section of Foot Locker, guys.

Congratulations, Philadelphia. After the Phillies beat the Tampa Bay Rays in the World Series, you didn’t raze your city! Affirmation that Boston fans are still the most uncouth.

You win some you lose some. Michael Bloomberg is allowed to run for a third term as mayor of New York, but, his dream of a hybrid taxi fleet by 2012 was rebuffed by a federal judge. Red tape wins the round. Apparently, only the feds are allowed to set fuel efficiency standards.

And the legend grows. Madelyn Dunham, Barack Obama’s grandmother passed away yesterday after a long battle with cancer. He called her “the cornerstone” of his family. Her absentee ballot will be counted in Hawaii.

During the primary, Bill Clinton dismissed Obama’s quest for the Oval Office as a “fairy tale.” This one might come true. Tonight, watch the election together. Booze helps. If he wins, your boss won’t care if you show up late tomorrow. If your boss does care…I can’t believe you work for a Republican.

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Drew Barrymore is our girl. We’ve loved her long time. But the fact that we caught her at Webster Hall FULL FRONTAL SNOGGING Chuck Bass aka Ed Westwick makes us love her a little less. For starters, Ed is ours (ok, so it’s in our dreams). Not to mention, Drew’s 33, and Ed is what, like 21? There are only a few couples that can pull off that big of an age difference (Demi and Ashton); everyone else should stop robbing the cradle and leave the good youngins’ to us.

Ok, so we’re jealous. We’d love to be the ones straddling Westwick’s leather pants but alas, our life isn’t a movie. If we did get the chance to get up close and personal with Westwick, we might ask him why he wasn’t part of the recent GG initiative to go green. In case you missed them, members of the GG cast teamed up with the NRDC to produce green video clips with UES flair. Ed was noticeably absent, as was Chace Crawford (who was also spotted with Drew recently!). Perhaps they’re too busy courting Miss Barrymore to court the environment? Westwick should know that the line “I’m Chuck Bass” won’t work on Mother Nature.

Sarah

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About this time every year, our minds invariably turn to one thing and one thing only: What to be for All Hallows Eve? (Because sometimes brilliance requires extra lead time) We love it so much that we’d shun our finest couture in favor of a first-rate costume any day. That is, if society was comfortable with a steady rotation of a pilgrim, The Pope, a paraplegic and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. (We really did all of those.) So who’s it gonna be? None of the above? Christian Siriano? Justin Bobby? Juno? A traditional goblin?

Of course, we could always be…

Is this thing on?

Bacon Bits

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That’s right! Nastia Liukin, the greatest gymnast in the world, will be guest starring on the Upper East Side this season. During an interview with Access Hollywood in Beijing, Nastia mentioned that she’s a big fan of Gossip Girl. Not a month later, she got a call from GG’s producers. During an interview with Access Hollywood in their HR office, we mentioned that we were a big fan of googling old pageant pics of Nancy O’Dell. Not a second later, the interviewer said we wouldn’t even be qualified to oversee their office recycling program. We weeped.

If the Liukin family business is winning gold medals, then the Beanstockd family business is demonstrating Foot in Mouth Syndrome…and proving that we could totally manage—and reduce!—Access Hollywood’s garbage.

Bacon Bits

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That’s right! Gossip Girl fans were treated to one heckuva strange plot twist on last night’s season premiere. Blair showed up to the Hamptons on the arm of a new cutie to avenge Chuck’s Bass-hole move of ditching her in Tuscany. But poor Blair had a difficult time keeping her new beau’s story straight: Did he go to Princeton or Georgetown? Well, as it turns out, her new man did have a secret to reveal: He’s a British LORD who was only pretending to be an “average” American guy. In a white cable knit sweater. In August. Clearly, he didn’t do his research. Or he just stole the idea from the plot of a lesser-known Jerry Lewis movie. I had my money on him being a U of M student (horrors!), but the English blue blood twist was infinitely more satisfying—albeit completely ridonculous.

In the real world, British Lords are more than just pretty faces. They do stuff! In fact, Lord Christopher Monckton wrote an open letter to US Senators Olympia Snowe and John D. Rockefeller calling for them to stop climate science censorship and uphold the freedom of speech guaranteed in the US Constitution. Sometimes it takes a Brit to help us see the error of our ways. Maybe Blair’s new flame will finally melt the ice princess. Well, let’s hope not.

Jen

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